Thursday, July 24, 2008

Struggle

I didn't go grocery shopping this week. I'm having a bad week. I feel miserable today and I'm upset with myself about it. I have so much stuff going on right now and I am stressing out majorly so to make myself sick is just adding to the pile. I'm smarter than this. I'm stressed about work, money, the bridal shower/bachelorette I'm throwing in 2 weeks, the shower I have to go to this weekend, the family coming in from out of town next week, the memorial service I have to go to the following weekend. I think I will probably sleep through the entire day on August 10th. Then I have to wake up and start getting ready for my mom's birthday that we're trying to plan for the end of August, and the wedding that in September. This year can't end fast enough. I know life is too short and every day is important and I shouldn't say things like that but I can't help it. I want it to be September 27th. The wedding. The fun day and party night and then the 28th when I can sleep it off and wake up knowing that my time of doing everything for everyone else around me is done and I can stop thinking for a few minutes. No more planning. No more spending excessively, money that I do not have to spend. I hate that I feel this way about it all but when you live penny to penny, it's hard not to resent spending thousands of dollars on other people when you can't even afford to buy yourself some new shirts. Oh September 28th, how I long for you. Two months and 3 days. It'll all be over soon.

1 comment:

The Good Eatah said...

Hey Jenny,

Your feelings are completely valid. It's stressful to be the giver -- the planner. There's so much pressure around having the perfect wedding, shower, and bachelorette party that it's sometimes hard to enjoy.

I know when I'm stressing out, I'll make sure I have at least one night a week to myself to relax and cook myself a nice meal and do whatever the heck I want. Meditation seems to help too. When you're a giving soul, it's hard to remember yourself, but you have to in order to have the energy to keep giving.