Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Sugar & Spice and my . . . ?

Today I became a fan of Vin Diesel on Facebook. What's the significance? I don't know. Other than the fact that looking at his photos makes me want to go to the gym immediately. I mean of course I don't want to look like him, but I do want to be in kickass shape like him.

Why is it, that each year I tell myself "this is going to be the year!" and yet my thighs still look like a topographical map of the white mountains. Why is it that when I feel good because I've been eating good, I always think that it will be perfectly OK to eat something gross, just this once, which inevitably makes me feel miserable? Yesterday I had been on a roll for about a week and then I decided that it was going to be the day that I would have a greasy spoon kind of lunch. A BLT wrap with french fries and a brownie (?!?!) for desert, orange soda to wash it down. Had I just eaten the wrap with a bottle of water I would've been fine, but throw in the rest of the garbage and my stomach fought back. Hard. I have been repeating these patterns for YEARS. It's no wonder my intestines are damaged. I imagine there's only so much sugar and fat they can take! It's a vicious cycle.

Well I've HAD IT!

Here's the thing, as you know, I've thrown myself back into the dating pool. It's freezing cold and I want to jump out but if I ever want to really learn how to swim then I must stay in. I must STAY IN. Yesterday or the day before, I forget which, I signed up for a new site that my friend told me about over the weekend. I only have one photo up right now and I know that I need more. The thing is, I don't have a lot of recent photos of myself. I've avoided the camera because the truth is, I am NOT happy with my appearance. Ironic, now that I'm pretty much happy with everything else in my life . . . And it made me realize that until I am happy with how I look in the mirror, I'm not going to be able to be in the right frame of mind to date. I know what you're thinking, when are we ever TRULY happy with how we look? Well, 6 months before I was diagnosed with Crohn's I was thrilled with how I looked. I had worked hard over the years eating mostly right and working out consistently, only to have all that hard work flushed down the toilet (haha). So here I am, no steroids, health issues pretty much under control, and in the best place I could be to bring back the old me. The one that didn't think twice about going to the gym after work.

I miss writing here. I have to admit it. But I've felt a little guilty since I've been eating gluten with reckless abandon and not feeling badly about it. After the past year of illness and tests and concerns about food intolerances, allergies, etc. etc. etc. I just got tired of it and decided to just let go. "Screw dieting, ya know? Eat what makes you feel better." (Thanks FG!) I went out to dinner last week with two of my girlfriends that I haven't seen in a long time. They chose an Italian restaurant and I was hesitant, but decided to just go for it and see what happened. I ordered Chicken Marsala for dinner and had little Italian pasteries for desert. It was absolutely DIVINE. And you know what? It didn't make me sick. I felt absolutely fine. But yesterday, I ate that crap, and it made me horribly sick. Do you know what I think now? Quality food = happy digestion, crappy food = crap.

Do I still believe in food intolerances and allergies and whatnot? Yes, I most certainly do. I just think of it differently now. Every person has her own battle to fight and she will fight it however she must. It's a long, sucky road but ultimately, each one of us will find our answers. What works for one will not work for another. For a long time I thought that going gluten free would cure just about any illness on earth. Have an autoimmune disease? Go gluten free!!! And while you're at it, go casein free too!! It's the only way to live!!! But then I started eating bread again and it wasn't making me sick. How could that be? Oh internet, how you've betrayed me. Talk about information overload.

So what does this all mean?? It means this blog is no longer what it once was. It's time for an overhaul. A new perspective. A more relaxed approach perhaps. What will it be called? Sugar and Spice and my. . . ? I don't know yet. But I want to write more. It's still gonna be about food, just a different approach to food. It will still include foods that are allergy/intolerance friendly and will be marked as such. It will still talk about life with Crohn's disease. And who knows what else? I hope you'll keep reading! It will be interesting to see where I go from here, but I'm starting to feel better already.

1 comment:

Farty Girl said...

I hear you. I've been telling people I have "medical probs" for the last three years. A couple mos ago, I realized that as long as I eat less, and less often, I don't really get sick. No matter what I eat.

I keep being vegan as a personal preference, and gluten-free cos it helped me lose weight.

Don't feel bad about stressing over food intolerances. It's hard to know what to do when DOCTORS tell you that you are sick. If anything, think of the positives. You learned a lot about health & food. Now you can make informed decisions about what you put in your body.

I hope you continue to feel better!