Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Here's a topic to ponder...

Ok ladies, (and gents, if I even have any male readers anymore???) here's something I'd love to get your input on. When you meet someone new, how quickly do you divulge your health issues? Typically, unless it comes up in discussion for some reason, I don't mention it. If I'm out to eat with people that don't know, and I'm having trouble ordering, then yeah it comes up. And I'm pretty open about it because I want to raise awareness. I think it's important to talk about, obviously, that's why I blog. But I don't think it's something to bring up at a BBQ, kind of a buzz kill sometimes. Unless said BBQ is with a group of your favorite gluten-free girls.... oooh a GF BBQ sounds like fun, girls?!?!

Well, more specifically I'm talking about dating. If you're diagnosed while in a relationship it's pretty open knowledge right? So what if you're single and out in the dating scene? For the past two years, I've basically avoided dating while I got my health in order. Now that I'm well on my way to healing, I'm knee deep in match.com dates. And there's this guy.... we've only been on one date so far, but it lasted 6 hours. In the middle of the day. Kinda like 2 dates in one almost. And we're going out again on Thursday. I haven't said anything to him yet. I'm afraid of scaring him off. I doubt it would, but still, I don't have a lot of practice telling my dates that I 1. have an incurable disease, and 2. can't eat most of the same stuff they can. I figure it will come out when the time is right. I'm not shy. I'm sure he'll be fine, he's an awesome, super nice guy. It's not like I'm telling him I have herpes.... (sorry if any of you do..)

So yeah, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject. Leave a comment. Send a message. Tell me what you think!!!

6 comments:

Lisa said...

I've always believed in being yourself in dating situations and well, in life in general. If he is a wonderful guy he will understand and like you anyway! Good Luck!!! :)

Farty Girl said...

i've totally avoided dating over the past few years as well. who wants to lie in bed with a fart machine, you know?

now? i'm open about having medical problems. i say, i have a digestive disorder. it's kind of a lie, but it's the best thing i can come up with to explain why i am such a pain to go out to dinner with. other than that, they don't need to know.

someday, if i get married, i plan to have my own office with a futon, where i can sleep when i'm really sick. depending on the man i wed, i may be upfront about it, i may not be. it depends on the relationship.

my last boyfriend was really cool about it. he used to tease me about it all the time. he actually thought it was cute. so, you never know how someone will react. my advice? don't say anything until you can make a good bet how someone will react.

Anonymous said...

please live your life and have fun ! you are not your health issues! they are a part of you yes
but not the total you . I think you should wait till you know this man-men better. You are a smart funny girl who happens to have some health issues.
Let all of your beauty shine and tell on a need to absoulty know baisis.maybe 3-4
dates. Have a great time!!

sallybranwyn said...

You've touched on the problem I'm always facing. I've begun dating and meeting guys at bars again since I feel nearly normal...I'm usually drinking Redbridge, which opens the door for discussion, but usually when they want to go out for dinner is when I say something. And, honestly, most of them have run away/not called back, even though I usually make a joke of it when I have to mention it. It's just too much for them, I guess?
It's silly. It's also maddeningly frustrating. I guess I could not discuss it, but then if they bail, I've invested my time in some dude that's going to bail just because I can't drink beer and he can't make out with me after drinking beer? Most dudes so far have been assholes about it.
sorry for the cynicism, but I've had shit luck with dating since my diagnosis...and you know me, I chat up everyone.

Joanna said...

Health issues are tricky subjects when dating. You don't want to come across as being solely focused on your health (which is a turn off) but you don't want to brush it off, either.
I don't think I was gluten-free when I met my husband -- but he's allergic to dairy. It came up on our first date when I wanted to get some ice cream for dessert. He didn't make a big deal about it - he just said he was allergic to dairy and we talked a bit about it and I, feeling just a little guilty, enjoyed my ice cream. If he'd seemed hung up on it, made a big deal about it or irritated that I wanted something with dairy, it may have bothered me. But, clearly, it didn't put me off as it's our 6th anniversary this summer. ;)
I'd wait until it naturally comes up in conversation. Good luck!

jacobithegreat said...

Hmmm, I often think about this too. I was diagnosed while in a relationship, and now that I'm semi-newly-single, I wonder how to bring it up.

If you go out to eat at all, it kinda has to come up. But I don't want to be the girl who talks all about her food issues on the first date! I usually try to say something casual, in passing, and not go too in-depth.
If it turns into a relationship, then the details will naturally come out.

Let us know how it goes, and maybe you can offer -me- some tips!